...dont know what to say

Well where to begin.

Sorry I haven’t posted in awhile people I’ve just been busy and going to work…

Well, works still going good and I still love it granted when I get home I feel really tired and I really don’t want to do anything but hey its all good welcome to real life I guess…

Halloween was boring as HELL I didn’t do a damn thing just sat around all night and watched movies, I had gotten invited to a few party’s but I turned them all down because I thought that my family was doing something for the night but…plans got fucked (go figure) but hey like two days before Halloween My friend Shayna and I went to the Asylum Haunted House it was pretty cool even though I was laughing the whole way through it, there was only one area that was freaky in the whole damn thing other then that it was lame but funny to watch everyone else scream a stupid lil’ things and run around.

Let’s see here what else is new… hmm I don’t think a damn thing is new with me SSDD and work (yey!)

Oh yesh! My b-day is this coming Monday and I cant fucking wait I have the day off so I wanna go party and do something crazy, ya I know stupid excuse but I’m ok with that because this is my last year to do something dumb and get away with it (not that I’ve ever really done anything crazy)

I cant wait for Sunday either cause I’m going out to coffee with my brother after I get off work yepy!

Well gotta run I gotta get up early and go to work fun fun

what it was, what it was ment to bewhat it is what it will never be

Well lets see here what all has been going on.
Today was my only day off so I was enjoying it until I got a phone call and my day came crashing down.
Well My grandpa had been sick these past few days and today I found out that he’s no longer using his oxygen and such to help him breath and he’s smoking again, now I and my g-ma spent hours in the emergency to make sure he was getting better and now, now he’s not even trying, He’s having problems seeing and he cant really get around and he cant get around because his feet are swollen to the size of small balloon’s. So today when my parents got home we dove over there. Tad didn’t like what he saw because it means that liquid is traveling through his body or something like that and it could work its way up to his heart so if he doesn’t go to the hospital or use his oxygen he probably won’t make it till Christmas. It’s very sad and has me very, very worried now my grandpa and I have never been really close but I sill love him. He’s not even making and effort to live and I guess it scares me. My grandma and I where talking about future plans if he doesn’t make it…its something I never thought I would have to discuss or think about.
On to other news, I’m still working and I still love my job sometimes it’s tiring and all and standing all day is a little crappy but hey I still love it and my boss is awesome, last night I was at work until 10:00 because I was learning how to close. Yippy.
Umm ya.
Ok so I’m still dating this one dude and that seems to be at a stand still kinda thing seems how I don’t get to see him a lot with work and all which kinda sucks but hey.
And to the Eagle…muhh. I don’t trust anyone because I’ve learned the hard way there is no one you can trust everyone stabs you in the back at one point or another. No I wasn’t trying to start a fight I was just merely stating how I felt and such. No really I’m not sweet; I just make sure that I and mine are watched out after. Also…hmm I was gonna say something else but I can’t remember now…damn it. Oh ya I’m angry all the time because this was how I was made and other things that have set me off…To me this is life…
Eric…when are we gonna do coffee?
well gotta run gotta go to g-ma in the morning and go to work

Things I dont give a fuck about notebook

Oh yey I’m still alive…I think…

Well I’ve been working and all and I’m loving my job yes I can admit standing is a little tiring (and I did it for 10 hours today) but I’m getting use to it and sometimes the counting is tiring and all but still. I love it. Of course today I had a nice scare and thought I was gonna loss my job cause 79.00 or something like that was missing from my cashier drawer so I started to freak the fuck out cause I know I was counting my money right and everything and then my boss dude looked in our bank safe thingy and realized what was missing was put in there…grr but hey I got told today that my boss thought I was doing a great job and all and he didn’t mean to freak me out or anything…whew…

Let’s see here other then work I really haven’t been up to much I’ve pretty much dedicated myself to my job and all so I’m not partying or staying out until all hours of the morning or anything crazy like that hell all this week the only day I have off is Tuesday but I’m fine with that because there’s being able to do things either before work or after work…

I’m anticipating my sister coming back home and December and I keep holding my breath granted I know I won’t get to spend as much time with her because of work and all but at least I’ll get to see her and have the satisfaction of her being back home and with the family that loves her most ;)

Teal’s moved out of my house and in with yet another friend and I guess she is now regretting it seems how her friend has a 1 bdr. Apartment and there are 4 people living in it and now she feels truly homeless plus she has no job and isn’t in school anymore and even though I don’t approve of what she is doing I still stand by her and I’m still her friend even though she does piss me off sometimes but I guess her moving out was for the better cause her living with me was tearing our friendship apart.

Well I’m heading off to bed its 12:00 a.m. I’m sicj and I have work at 12:00 this afternoon or w/e

PS Eric if you read this let me know if you me and the pussy are still up for coffee

Peace

Fuck you (cause your special)

Holy Shit I’m still alive???
Damn

Ok well a lot of shit has been going on lately so let me catch people up to things.
First life is still hell, I still am dealing with my mom and Tad and there so called love for me which is really just them saying it then treating me like shit and making me clean and do all that stupid shit.
I finally took my GED but I wont get anything back from them yet for like another 2 weeks or w/e which is bullshit cause I’m tired of waiting I want to be able to have it and try to go out and get a good job.
Lets see here still unemployed and looking EVERYWHERE but to my dismay I haven’t found anything yet and I’m going a lil’ crazy, my mom is trying to help me get a job a DOL which would be really good cause if I get that job I’ll be making 30K a year which for my age is really damn good, but because I still haven’t heard anything on that I’m looking into other places as well. Just cross your fingers that I find something and I find it soon or cross your fingers that spencers calls me back or w/e…
Let’s see here my friend Teal lives with me and she is driving me fucking nuts she needs to grow the fuck up get her head out of her ass and start acting the age that she fucking is, I thought it would be ok for her living with me but the longer she has been the more pissed off I get and now I’m sitting back watching her life go down the drain because she doesn’t know how to make the right choices and that pisses me off even more…She bitches cause people don’t treat her like her age should be treated and I always just want to say gee I wonder why…FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK
Anyways shit is all the fuckin same SSDD and I’ begging for a change and one here really soon…
gahh

Everything is peachy

Well today I thought about all the things I really want to accomplish and do in my life and I realized I have a lot of work ahead of me.
First off this past week I’ve been job hunting like fucking crazy and I’m praying that I find something and I find it soon. )Need money and all to accomplish things)
I’m still studying on my GED and all I was supposed to take it when I got back but like usual shit went astray and my ma said she couldn’t afford it now or in the near future so now I have to worry bout getting a job paying for that and for my drivers permit and all that other shit that my parents can no longer support or afford for me.
Lately my mom has been letting me have a lot of freedom I go job hunt when I want or go for walks I have people over now (sometimes I don’t even bother asking) and I’m almost always out of the house now, sometimes I feel I don’t even live here anymore things are so different but I guess my mom and Tad are finally letting me grow up and see the world and do things on my own (they cant try to keep me a slave in this house forever)
So…
What else is there to talk about?
Oh yes last weekend got smashed off my ass with Teal and my boyfriend (yes I said it people I have a boyfriend (for now) and ya it was oh so fun! And yes I know my bro is now going to interrogate me and all that to figure out who he is and such but hey it will be funny while it lasts…
Right now I’m just kickin it with my best bud Megan so gotta run
PEACE

Mind Fuck

When the friends you thought you had where never there,
when everyone you thought cared didnt even dare,
when life turns to shit and your all on your own.
what will you do?
Who will you turn to (if anyone at all)?
What will happen to you?
(know one knows)


Not much new going on with me, SSDD.
Trying to get my mom to get a date for me so I can take my damn GED but that STILL hasnt happend, which is pissing me off just a lil'.
So every one in Gods name wants to hang out with me this summer, I'm so confussed on who to go chill with when I have the time cause I dont want to upset anyone, but hey I guess shit happens...
This week I'm doing job hunting so I'm praying I find something because I really do NEED a job.
Well thats it for now, when I have more time I will write more.

I'm Gonna Jump

I would really like to jump off a fucking cliff right now…It might be fun…

Well not much new going on here, SSDD plus yet more bullshit, ahh gotta love it, it’s just enough to make you wanna fucking scream on the top of you lungs.

This weekend was pretty damn fun, got to shot a 12G shotgun and a 20 and also got to fire of about 30 rounds with a 22 rifle, and OMG do I kick some major ass (don’t ever fuck with me when I got a 12G shotgun) also got to swim and such for a few and go on a few walks and such it was cool.

Well in about a week and a half I will probably be taking my GED, at this point I cant wait because all the shit that has been going on, I’m beginning to get a lil’ warn out bye it all.

Came close to having a major Migraine today but as usual I fought it off and didn’t say anything cause I didn’t want to freak people out, I think I only started to get it because I was getting stressed out and all about my GED and what I’m gonna be doing and all that, its just all coming and crashing in at once on me (just my luck)

Well my mom and I had a lovely little argument today about all the shit that has been going on but as fuckin usual she blew me off wouldn’t let me get out all of what I was gonna say and told me I was wrong (poor unfortunate souls) Grr sometimes I wonder if shes just doing it cause she thinks it funny to piss me off or is just doing her whole blowing me off and all because she realizes that I am right and I really am getting treated the way I am but her I will never know, I’m just so sick of arguing with her and getting told I don’t know WTF I’m talking about when even everyone else I know can see it…

OH GOD 4-5 Months max that’s all that I can stand it anymore I cant go any longer cause if I do I fear I will just snap (WTF else is new)

So…I got to watch The Hills Have Eyes with one of my friends and her sister and omg it was so damn funny cause they where both scared shitless…OH! You gotta love the gore movies and such they are fucking awesome…

Good-byes and reminders

Well I'm back from my 3 week trip from Ohio (sadly)
It was very nice out there I loved it, fresh air, friendly people and not a whole hell of a lot of crime. I loved it and I’m defiantly going back after I get my GED and take care of the shit I have to take care of out here. I just wish I didnt have to say good-bye again to my sis it was a bitter reminder of when she moved out there and I had to say good-bye the last time all the tears and promises and such...I hated it...
Well as figured, I got home and I know I left my room and bathroom clean before I left for Ohio, Well…There where clothes everywhere (not mine mind you) and my bathroom was NASTY) God I could have screamed. I was beyond pissed but like a good clean person I cleaned. Then of course my mom was telling me about all the chores I have to do which is FUCKED UP.
On top of that Carl is still living here (obviously or my room wouldn’t have been a mess) and just to bitch about how much I really want to stab the shit outta this person, when I got home a 1:00 am he was up and said hi and I said hi and Good-night, now it just may be me but when someone says this it usually means they are GOING TO BED, well he continued to try to talk to me then followed me down stairs and I told him I wanted to sleep then he said fine be that way and walked up the stairs calling me a STUPID CUNT.. SO…at this point I would really like to stab him REALLY and I almost did but I don’t want to go to jail so ya. (and just in case anyone didn’t know those are the 2 worst mother fuckin words you can call me, go ahead call me a bitch and all that I don’t care but to call me stupid and a cunt, you better watch your mother fuckin back cause I will stab you eventually or come at you an even worse way.
Ok now that I’m done bitching I think….
I hope everyone is well here soon I will get in touch and tell you all I’m alive and what went on while I was in Ohio…
Grr I hate being back here…

GOING TO OHIO BABY

OMG PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I ended up talking with my mom today like an adult when I got home from my g-ma’s and I told her I really needed to be in Ohio right now and all that jazz so she said ok looked up bus dates and all that but said the only problem is I don’t have any money so my sis talked with my G-pa and tomorrow I go over there and talk with him and ask to get enough money to take the round trip to Ohio, which I will leave 7:00 Monday morning a.k.a. the 12th and come back on the 24 or something like that, so YAY, I cant even sleep right now I’m so happy…The only problem is Tad cause my mom obviously hasn’t talked with him yet, which really he cant say anything…SO YAY.
OOOOOOKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways on to another topic…hmm…hmm…I'm really Hyper and I dont know why, probably cause I get to go see my sis, I had to hold in screaming when my mom told me I could go but when I get back I have to take my GED and I better pass and all that jazz, but hey -jumping up and down-
I’m hungry so I’ll end this and go have a midnight snack.
PEACE

My Cookie

Ok so here’s a nice little My Cookie picture for my brother from the comment yesterday about really liking cookies. Hehehe.

Well not much new going on with me pretty much SSDD.

Worrying about my sis a lot cause her due date is today and I really wish I could be out there with her, I found out one reason I’m also not out there is we don’t even have the money to send me out or get me back…Grr, I wish I had been working or I wish I had saved my money from all the damn baby-sitting I do (How could I be so dumb)

Well gotta run going to spend the day with my G-ma

Sick Me...fucking Mono

FUCK…
Ok haven’t posted in awhile because I have been sicker then sick but hey let me catch you all up with what’s been going on.
Last Sunday I went to a KICKASS Flyleaf concert at first I was pissed of because they put everyone 20 and younger upstairs and if your where 21 and older you could go up stairs even though it was crowded with teeny-boppers (they all make me sick, not that I’m saying I’m not a teen but at least I know how to act my fucking age) anyways I went to this concert with My friend Jae and Carl in which Jae was nice enough to stay with me upstairs while Carl went off and talked to people during the first to concert peoples then finally he remembered me because he looked upstairs and I flipped him the bird while Jae sat and laughed and said he deserved it, about 10 min. later before the actual Flyleaf concert My twin how was 23 was found –wink- so she was nice enough to let me use her ID just so I get downstairs with Jae and away from all the stupid little teeny-boppers from then on it all Kicked Ass and I got home about 12 something.
Then at 2:00 a.m. only god knows why I decided I would go out to coffee with my 2 brothers (mumbles random shit under breath) now I’m not Quiet sure what I was thinking maybe I wasn’t but hey I was picked on and tortured by the Tiger (I will come up with come backs) (and I haven’t forgot the fingerer comment) but even though I was picked on I had fun I think if they didn’t pick on me they wouldn’t love me anymore.
Following morning coffee so this would be Monday now I went to my G-ma’s afterwards and hung out with her and my 2year old cousin (god forbid I have another on the way from the same women) any who later Monday night ended up Getting sick (found bumps on my neck) and was sick until Wed. afternoon, then on Thursday my home girl Shayna came to stay the night and we hung out with to of our other friends all that jazz.
And THEN Friday night I ended up getting really sick again so I was sick and still am A little sick and for about 2 days I just layed on the couch I could barely swallow and all so I had soups and lots of drinks then finally Tad took me to the Dr. yesterday Tuesday and the results are Mono, yes I said Mono how the fuck I got Mono I don’t know its probably from sharing my drinks and shit with people all the damn time (most the time people don’t even ask me anyways) so he gave me lots of medication told me to rest and also not to kiss anyone or share my drinks or anything like that and after the Meds I should be right as ran.
So now here I sit in my sickness feeling better then I did but still sick.
Oh ya here is:
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV. remote because they refuse to walk to the TV. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?

...

I’m still alive…barely.
Not much new with me, just SSDD and sick of all the shit that’s going on at my house.
Just sitting around relaxing in the really hot weather we've been having.
I wish someone could save me…
Well got to run.
PEACE

Save me from my wicked soul

…
…
…
I want to kill some fucking people at this point in time, mainly the ones I live with.
Nothing I do is write, everything I do is wrong.
I’m so sick of it. I’m tired of all the shit I get from people, I’m tired of being told I don’t try hard enough when I try my fucking hardest and most of all I’m tired of caring when I don’t even get the respect I deserve from people.
Grr, I really want to walk outside and scream on the top of my lungs until I pass out (and believe me I can do it)
Ok, now that I’m done ranting about my life…
Not much new going on with me, went out with my brother to go meet up with my other brother for coffee. that was interesting. Manly it was the usual with them, talk about old times, and all the nerdy things they do and also pick on me with story’s of how I use to be and how glad they are of how I turned out now (not that I think I turned out good)
Ahh, I think going out with my bro is the most fun I have, even though he thinks he’s old and boring but really he’s not, and hanging out with both my older brothers…ya that’s great.
Well I feel I’m ready to take my GED except now my mom wont let me because she want me to get 85% or better on everything so I have to go over everything and take the pre-tests all over, I think she’s just stalling because she doesn’t want me to go to Ohio or something, Damn the women pisses me off. I just want to take this damn test and get it over with and then go see my sis who I miss horribly.
FUCK.
Well got to run, people to kill and places to rob
PEACE

Yet another day

Well it’s yet another day and I'm still breathing.
A lot has been happening this week so let me give you a quick debriefing.
This last Friday I was rushed to the emergency room because I had some kinda neurological malfunction I couldn’t see out of the bottom part of my right eye, I lost feeling in my right arm and on top of that I couldn’t speak straight no one could understand what I was trying to say. So they did a CT and found I have a sinus infection and my left nostril and they gave me meds for that and they told me I wasn’t allowed to eat Hotdogs, bacon or sausage any more they also took some of my blood (drug test) and gave me vicodin which we quickly found I don’t agree with. Then they told me make a follow up with me regular Dr.
And for this week I’m grounded because my parents are rude crude and mean, I ended up having a friend call who I haven’t seen in a year now and haven’t gotten to stay the night or do anything with in about 2 years. Well she wanted to kidnap me on Thursday until Thursday so I told her I would talk to my mom and Tad about it. Well Usually I baby-sit on the weekends (EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND) so you see I really don’t get time to hang out with my friends unless they come with me when I have to baby-sit and that is no fun. Well anyway I called the lady I baby-sit for to tell her that there was a possibility that I was not going to baby-sit for her this weekend cause I might be going out of town well she took that as I wasn’t going to baby-sit and called Tad to bitch about it and Tad called my mom who then called me and yelled at me saying how dare I make plans without her say so and I tried to tell her I didn’t then she said your grounded for a week and all that…so ya. I HATE THIS STUPID FUCKING HOUSE I LIVE IN.
So guess where I am right now…baby-sitting…yey…
I really can’t wait till I take my GED now, everyone cross your fingers that I pass.
Oh people you have to see the anime Fruits Basket its so good I love it
Well I gotta run.

I HATE MY LIFE

I HATE MY LIFE
I HATE MY HOME
I HATE THE PEOPLE AROUND ME
I HATE WHERE I AM


I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW CUZ I DONT EVEN HAVE A LIFE

OH So Bored

Ok people I am still alive.
Not much new going on with me.
I tried taking my Drivers Permit but ended up failing because I was a dumb blonde and didn’t flip the paper over to get what was on the back, but that’s ok here soon I'm going to go to take it again.
Still studying for my G.E.D. and I am so tired of it now I just wish I could pass magically, but no I have to study and study till I feel I am ready.
So right now I am attached to this stupid 24 hour E.K.G to monitor my heart, and it really sucks I gotta have all these sticky wires attached to me and a stupid block thing attached to my waist which makes it very hard to move around how I like to.

Well gotta run I will post something else latter.

Random

Oh hey its 5:00 a.m and Im bored as hell.
Oh and Im goin to school this mornin, it sounds so weird to say seems how im not in school but im goin to go visit my orchestra teacher and chill with some of my hommies...
Ya I'm sorry I beenin odd (I swear I dont do drugs)
Foamys the shit...watch foamy you need to you will laugh your asses off...
Oh look at Dawn, dawn it hot...hehehehe (not im not les or bi) hehehe
Ok well, im done being odd...
PEACE

BORED

I am beyond bored right now.
So not much new going on around here pretty much S.S.D.D (go figure)
Still studying for my GED and all here soon I’ll be taking it and I’m getting really freaked out.
Still haven’t gone to get my drivers permit yet, I keep letting my money slip away from me, but HOPEFULLY here soon I’ll be going to do that either when my bro has time or when my G-ma has time.
This weekend was kind of exhausting, My friend Teal was over and we both ended up getting stuck helping clear out the kitchen and scrubbing it down then putting everything back in it again, also we did baby-sitting and on top of that most of the nights we went to bed one night at 6:00 a.m. then 4:00 a.m. then 3:00 a.m. ya…it was fun, though I got tortured and had a water fight in the house and on top of that got barely any sleep. Hmm what a way to spend your weekend, huh?
Oh I found a really good anime called Howls moving castle, I recommend it for anybody who likes anime it was really good.Well got to run I have stuff to do…PEACE

I hate this house

I'm so sick and tired of getting treated like a stupid fucking slave.
Just shoot me already, I cant take it anymore.
If home is a place where affection has grown then home is a place I've never known.
I'm sorry if I seem a little bitchy its just I'm tired of getting treated like nothing and cleaning up after everyone elses mess and then on top of that getting told I'm a lazy shit...FUCK YOU ALL...
I do my fare share and more but noone sees that, fuck the only time my mom thanks me for picking up her mess and all that shit is when theres company over. Its BULLSHIT and yet still I have to sit here and be a stupid fuckin maid because nobody else will do the work around here.
FUCK...I REALLY NEED TO MOVE OUTTA HERE.
Ok im done ranting for now

Ok people, Im still alive for now...
I got my comp working now so i'll try to keep more up to date with you people.
My bro came over and worked on my comp for a few hours and after kicking it a few times (just joking) he got it to run just right.
I am so sick and tired of living here though, I need to get out more, grr.
Hopefully here soon I should be taking my GED and also my drivers permit test thing...
well got to run sorry this is so very short and dull