6:00 am and walking in the house

Ahh, walking in the house at 6:15 a.m. from being out all night (I think my parents left me around 9:00 p.m.) It was great hanging out at Attactix talking and gaming with a bunch of people. I’ve come to realize I’m not as much of a geek as I thought I was because compared to some of the people I was with I have no geekness (yes I know its not a word but that’s ok). Around 5:00 a.m. we decided that we’d all start the cars to get them warmed up and wait and talk inside well about 6:03 we realized we where still talking and the cars where still on so we all said good-bye and left of course coming home and trying to be quiet with a really loud ass garage door. Ya, that’s almost impossible, but I managed to creep in, shut the garage door and slip downstairs without anyone waking up. About 6:30 I herd Tad moving around to go to school, so I was pretty lucky to get in right when I did. They had figured that I would be home around 2:30-3:00 a.m. not 6:15 but hey I had fun and it was my way of getting out of the house. ;)

Ok people this pretty little rose is the tattoo I REALLY want on my back it’s fucking awesome. I will get it one day, damn it, I just hope its soon (I must have a mark on my body) I searched for quit awhile for rose that was similar to this one but every time I found one that I had liked I ended up having an issue with it and when I drew it the lines never came out right and is was all screwy so finally I got this one and I’ve had it for so long and I love it so I want to get it done right down my spine.

I was supposed to be baby-sitting today but the person I was gonna do it for got really sick, so here I am sitting at home being bored out of my mind and wanting to get out and do something but I’m broke and there is nowhere to go, plus all of my loving friends are all already doing something this weekend (It sucks)

As everyone knows I am relatively young but some of the people I know are really making me feel old for example some of the music I listen to, people like Blondie…now I know Blondie was before me but I grew up listening to her but half of my friends don’t even know who the hell Blondie is, so what the fuck is up with that? The one that got me was when I was asked who kitty was, now that is just wrong cause kitty is still big. You people really need to get educated on your music and crap.

Ok well, this ends my happy little blog for today.

3:00 a.m. and I'm still up

Yet another day where I am up at 3:00 in the morning but I guess sleeping until 2:30 p.m. really doesn’t help me much. I’m going stir crazy over here people. I want to get out and do something or something but no one I know is up and moving at this time and I can’t make a lot of noise or I’ll wake my parents up. It blows, someone please save me.

Ahh…X-box…I need more games…I love my x-box its so cool, granted I don’t have the new 360 crap but I do I have a new original X-box and I love it, finally beaten Red Ninja and outlaw golf (that was kind of easy) I’m trying to talk my mom into getting me Silent Hill but ya…that’s a lost cause.

Oh latest news on the my back, still don’t know what the fuck’s going on with that even the doctors don’t know what the fuck is going one, thought I had an appointment but evidentially not and seems how the stupid doctor hasn’t called back I’m clueless. You’d figure with all the x-rays and scans and needles they’ve fucking poked in me someone would be able to tell me what the hell is going but NO all they know is I have to fractures and an abnormality or some shit like that, and the doctors have mentioned surgery and yet they cant tell us what the fuck the abnormality is, so what the fuck is up with that? OH I just want some answers and it’s all starting to way down on me and I guess people really don’t understand that, I would’ve figured 1 major surgery would be enough so…I’m praying I don’t have to go through yet another one. Cross your fingers for me people and light a candle.

OMG I really want to go see the new Underworld it looks so kick ass, hehehe I loved the first one so I think this one is gonna be awesome…

Oh, got a new hair cut and I look damn sexy, at first I was nervous cause I knew what I wanted but I wasn’t sure if it would look good on me but it does, I love my new look –grins-

Well, studying really hard to take this GED, It’s so much reading and work…kinda sucks but oh well I’m doing it for my better intrest or what ever, I just hope that I pass cause if not I’m screwed.

So this Saturday I promised I’d baby-sit 3 kids a baby, a 10 year old and a 12 years old. I look forward to it cause it least it gets me out of the house plus I love playing with the baby and messing with the 10 year old, I’m not quite sure about the 12 year old because I’ve never met her so…this will me fun (yes I am the desperate to get out of the loony house I live in)

Still looking for a damn job, I really need to find one so if anyone knows of anywhere that is hiring for fulltime please let me know, I’m gonna die if I don’t find one.

Hopefully here soon when I get the money I should be going to get my drivers permit thanks to my brother cause my mom is being lazy and no taking me so he said he will when he gets the time and I have the money –jumps up and down- doesn’t it scare you all to know that I might be driving soon? I already have driven and some of you people know I can drive rather well but to actually get something that says I can legally drive hehehe kinda freaky, huh?

Well got to run I have some stuff to do at 3:00 a.m. not sure what yet but it will come to me soon.

Restless nights

For the past bloody week I have had restless nights. I can't sleep worth a damn and every time it gets dark I suddenly start to bound with energy. I should be a fucking vampire at this point because when I finally do go to sleep its right before the sun rises and then I sleep the whole day away until its dark outside, It really sucks, I really want to get out of this damn house and do something but there’s nothing to do seems how I’m awake when the rest f the world is dead. Tell me is this normal? And please don’t tell me its being a growing teen or some bullshit like that because none and I do mean NONE of my other friends can stay up as late as I can hell none of them can go without sleep as much as I have. I think the longest I went without sleep was a week and a half, and no I’m not lying I really did go that long without sleep and I was pretty much functioning on extreme amounts of coca-cola and coffee and yes I know, I’m insane but hey. I’ve tried sleeping pills (they don’t work worth a damn) I’ve tried alcohol (that doesn’t work either) so what the hell is left? This really sucks, I’m going stir crazy over here people...I really need something to do.
I’ve watched over 20 anime movies today (some rather disturbing and others just pornographic, but enjoyable) I think I might be one of those weird anime geeks who gets pictures of anime characters and draws anime characters including doing some one the computer. Ahh the entertainment in life, isn’t it great?
I’m starting to think that my family is really crazy, my moms lost her mind not that she ever really had one in the first place (well, she probably did before my sister and I were born) My mom seems to think I have a thing for my sisters brother and all and also seems to think that a diamond ring I found is a promise ring or some shit like that (how lame) ya I think this guy is cute big woopty doo I’m not gonna merry him for Christ’s sake. I love my family really. That’s why I want to move far, far away that way I don’t murder them (no I really wouldn’t murder them)
Oh DDR i love DDR its so fun, and what a way to work out, everyone should try DDR just once it's fuckin cool (OMFG, not only am I a geek with anime but also DDR, oh well, it's fun) It's kinda tripy though watching the screen and all the flashing colors and lights and movements its kinda...weird and it can really screw you up.
Ok I guess i have talked way to much in this blog. I'm sorry all this was all really lame and not really worth reading...

Poem

Preachings dead religions to broken children
molested by catholic priests telling not to tell for you'll go to hell
using christ to excuse their actions.
little boys and girls screaming screams no one can hear
praying to what? asking forgiveness for their parents sins
older men taking advantage of young girls
promising them life then leaving them pregnant and alone.
teens being abused in darken alleys.
big brothers molesting their baby sisters
parents abusing their babies, born into a world of hate
babies turn into teens growing up feeling tainted
pushed to be perfect, thoughts of suicide beating inside their little minds.
turning to drugs to excape the pain they hold inside.
shooting up in their bedrooms.
overdoses and suicide bring end to a life full of fear.
kids killing kids, school shootings,killing their peers and teachers
not thinking twice before,pulling the trigger.
years of bullying finally come to end..............


I know it's a little sick and all but its how i view things right now in life and you all know the sad part about it is its all true....

GED and stupid people

Ok as most people know I am studying to take my GED and a lot of you people have bitched about it and said I'm being dumb or do I know that this is the hard road so on and so forth and all this other BULLSHIT...well let me tell you fuckers right now, I'm not stupid I have looked into what the hell I am doing so stay the hell out of my business you all think you know everything on what I am doing or what I am planning but the truth is you don’t and I'm sick and tired of you all telling me I'm taking the fucking hard road...WELL DUH! and I am fully prepared to except the responsibility’s that I now have to take this includes growing up and acting like a civilized adult. Also if you ignorant fucks would listen this is pretty much the only choice I have left because I kept getting sick in school and missing so much work that I couldn’t make it all back up and like hell I was gonna stay back yet again because honestly its embarrassing being a sophomore supposed to be a Junior and then next year I'd be a stupid fuckin sophomore again and I'm supposed to be a senior, so to all of you who think they know what the hell I'm doing or other wise think I am being stupid I give you my middle finger and nicely tell you to fuck off and go to hell...and yes if I seem a little angry or pissed off I AM. Also to let you all know yes I know some and I do me SOME colleges will not take me cause I didnt finish High School but I have looked up quite a few that will take me, its not like I want to get into some major fucking college so get over yourselfs I know what the hell I am doing....

BORED

Ok, suffering from MAJOR boredom, its like 4:30 in the morning and I know I should be in bed sound asleep right now but at this point and time sleep is a concept in which I am foren with, I’m not really sure why but I just cant sleep.
Oh Well….
I have been endlessly playing DDR and my goddess that game is addictive nice way to burn off some energy (yepy DDR, I love it) and the other game i've been playing endlessly in Final Fantasy I love that game and finally beat X-2 (I hope they make another one) I know they are making a full on anime movie including all of the characters so yep
So far its been the SSDD over here, we went out last night to do gaming and my mom and I got into a little…Brawl… so I got a busted inner lip, Ahh family love you gotta love it especially when your mom takes to the habit of calling you a whore or telling you you’re a bitch but I guess that’s pretty slandered in my family, and oh the come backs I can come up with when my mom calls me something now.

..._...|..____________________, ,
....../ `---___________----_____|] = = = D
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//

Yep I’m bored….

When Colors Leave

When the colors leave,
only black is to relate to
When the colors leave,
I have to watch the black snow fall down
Having nothing more to say
Having nothing more to think
Having nothing more to watch
Knowing that there is nothing
When the colors leave,
Only black is there to see
When the colors leave,
There’s nothing more to see
I tried not to hurt

But I only can hurt
I tried not to be what I hate
But I am only what I hate
I tried to be something

But I ended up being nothing

When the colors leave away
There’s only one more way
When the colors leave away

The path is clear to go away.

Ok now I'm gonna go try to sleep, and I'm so sorry I ramble alot....

A long ass poem

-not sure it makes sence to anyone but me-

I found myself at the edge of a cliff, but not the same kind
of situation that so many others find themselves in.
You know, where they want to jump...
No. I found myself in the expertly hand-woven
rope holding together the hundreds of planks of wood
that formed a bridge that once carried people safely
across to the other side...
once...
Except now, my years are as numerous as my planks
and not all of them are as trustworthy as the others...
Too many people have walked over me, and held onto me
for stability to the point where I'm not sure I've much left
to offer.
I wouldn't tread on me.

No. That's not right. That's not what I think I want to say...

I found myself in a magazine, but not the
same kind of magazine you would read while
waiting to get your hair cut; staring at all of the
perfect plastic people giving you tips on how you can
maybe, possibly, one day, with a lot of work, money,
and PLASTIC surgery look like them.
No. I found myself in a magazine fully-loaded with government
issued ammunition. One of many, with
one in the chamber, all with uncertain destinies, but
all destined to make a special place for ourselves in someone else's
heart.
Or head, or arm, or hand, or whatever other appendage/vital organ happens to get in our way.
Except I'm the one the never goes off.
Sure, the pin hits in just the right spot, but there's no charge; no motivation I guess.
Only a dimple in my casing; a scar so to speak.
I'm stagnant. But don't pull the trigger again or...

Damn it, still not right...

I found myself in a corner store, but not the place where couples
rendezvous and sip coffee or tea and share each other's company.
No. I found myself in the type of place where
couples/lovers/fuck-buddies go to plan far more
devious and depraved acts. I found myself in the box
of a combination dildo/pocketpussy. I was intended
to be "fun for everyone" and lord knows I try, but
what about the transvestites, transsexuals, or
better yet, the asexuals who desire more, less,
or none at all?
How can I measure up, down, or disappear?
I guess they just don't have to buy me.
But then what about me? What's my purpose?

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that a part of me
can be found in all of these places as well as a million more.
And no matter how sure I am of myself; no matter how hard I try,
I can't please everyone all the time, and I'll never be able
to explain myself to anyone...
Especially not you.

Umm...I sneezed (for lack of a better title)

Oh yay! The beginning of my blog. Most of what you people will read will be very...interesting...I guess that's the word most people would call it. Most of the time I'm posting a blog it will just be me rantin about some stupid problem that has happend or some stupid something that has gone down hill in my boring life, or it will be me just plain ranting in general and then some of it will be me talking about the stupid or other wise boring things my friends and I have done, and yes when I say stupid I really so mean stupid and then maybe if i get really bored I'll post some of my dramatic poetry... oh and just to let you all know i have a tendency to be a MAJOR smart ass