Monday, March 27, 2006

BORED

I am beyond bored right now.
So not much new going on around here pretty much S.S.D.D (go figure)
Still studying for my GED and all here soon I’ll be taking it and I’m getting really freaked out.
Still haven’t gone to get my drivers permit yet, I keep letting my money slip away from me, but HOPEFULLY here soon I’ll be going to do that either when my bro has time or when my G-ma has time.
This weekend was kind of exhausting, My friend Teal was over and we both ended up getting stuck helping clear out the kitchen and scrubbing it down then putting everything back in it again, also we did baby-sitting and on top of that most of the nights we went to bed one night at 6:00 a.m. then 4:00 a.m. then 3:00 a.m. ya…it was fun, though I got tortured and had a water fight in the house and on top of that got barely any sleep. Hmm what a way to spend your weekend, huh?
Oh I found a really good anime called Howls moving castle, I recommend it for anybody who likes anime it was really good.
Well got to run I have stuff to do…PEACE

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I hate this house

I'm so sick and tired of getting treated like a stupid fucking slave.
Just shoot me already, I cant take it anymore.
If home is a place where affection has grown then home is a place I've never known.
I'm sorry if I seem a little bitchy its just I'm tired of getting treated like nothing and cleaning up after everyone elses mess and then on top of that getting told I'm a lazy shit...FUCK YOU ALL...
I do my fare share and more but noone sees that, fuck the only time my mom thanks me for picking up her mess and all that shit is when theres company over. Its BULLSHIT and yet still I have to sit here and be a stupid fuckin maid because nobody else will do the work around here.
FUCK...I REALLY NEED TO MOVE OUTTA HERE.
Ok im done ranting for now

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Ok people, Im still alive for now...
I got my comp working now so i'll try to keep more up to date with you people.
My bro came over and worked on my comp for a few hours and after kicking it a few times (just joking) he got it to run just right.
I am so sick and tired of living here though, I need to get out more, grr.
Hopefully here soon I should be taking my GED and also my drivers permit test thing...
well got to run sorry this is so very short and dull

Thursday, March 16, 2006


Recollection of a Dream
A recollection of a dream Not to bold not so old But now the heart to cold To dream up this theme The only reminder Are the silent scream’s echoes Reluctant to leave Yet to faint to hear A dream to answer Maybe just counter-act What the eyes see, unimaginable Reality the fantasia of our mind For what lay in the past may never change But the future still willing to be indented With your life The dream is a dream of which The reality is the dream Where silent screams no longer sound And people pay attention to the bad Before it becomes an eyesore.

Hey people I am still alive but yet again I am sick. Last night I got taken to the Emergancy room because I couldnt breath. I'm better now though just caughing up all this nasty crap and blowing my nose every 2 min. Oh well, I guess thats life for you.
Studying for my GED has been hell seems how I dont have a computer to take the pre-tests on, all I have is the book which I'm kinda tired of but at least I'm still working on it.
My computer is still fucked up because we still havent gone and got what I need to fix it...go figure.
So Tuesday night I spent my time at a bar playing pool, I won a few and lost a few, I had a bunch of guys watching me and following me around like lost dogs (kinda creepy) but hey at least I had fun. and no I didnt drink anything other then Coke.
Well gotta run TTFN

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Oh yay a few poems (I got bored)

Pretty girl, pretty girl, Who are you? In this helpless world, Just another face? A pretty picture, Among the human race, Going nowhere, Spinning in a whirl. Pretty girl, pretty girl, Fix your makeup, Give your hair some curl, Hide the scars, Hide your feelings, Dreams of becoming a star, She keeps on believing, But no one can help her. Pretty girl, pretty girl, Falling in love, Keep going under, Never above, Because a girl like you, Can never find someone true, Someone to look through, And see the real you, Pretty girl, pretty girl, Cry every night, Wake up every morning, Heartaches, Headaches, From all the mistakes, That you have ever made, Just hide yourself, Hide in the shade, Pretty girl, pretty girl, one empty heart, Left all alone, It’s been that way, From the start. Pretty girl, pretty girl, Help her please, She’s been on the run, Living by the gun, Or so she wishes, Her mind, An unspeakable place, That she wishes to find, Pretty girl, pretty girl, She is dying, On the inside, She is crying, She has lied, To herself, For years, Killing herself. Pretty girl, pretty girl, She has died, But still alive, Just dead inside, The lies from the start, The way she wants to love.

What is this feeling I am supposed to have? something of some sort some kind of affection some kind of emotion however what I feel is nothing Wondering about what is going on because while others see potential I simply do not nothing to be seen nothing to be found nothing really to fight for would I even know what to fight for? No desire to settle the score no desire to defend thyself but not one to stick around for false hope with the same nonsense constantly why even bother nobody even seems to care the kind people you thought you knew only returning to their past states to try to impress you... In the end to end up in the same state in which you came from no desire to pursue anything anymore no desire to feel put down however no desire to have your spirits lifted either Like a baby without a bottle like a soldier without a rifle simply put for a fact for what I feel is a feeling of sheer nothingness trying to find myself but only to discover nothing What is it like to feel? I just do not know I used to and now choose not to it just is not worth it cause in the end you are left dead inside

i lost so many friends and people that believed in me to the night that never ends and the street that's the enemy i try not to look back cuz it only makes more pain i always wear black especially in the rain rain fell that day like tears from the sky i guess that's the worlds way of tryin to cry


Ok I'm done now...peace people